In real life, by taking some of the initiative, women share a portion of the risk. Yes, rejection hurt, but the trade off is that you gain more control over the dating mechanism.
Active, energetic, dynamic women come down with arthritis of the finger when they have to dial a man’s telephone number. The malady leaves them in a frustrating and passive position.
It doesn’t have to happen. Men are not as put off as you might think by “aggressive women” But let’s stop and take a second look at that phrase, “aggressive women” before we go on.
What are we talking about, anyway? Amazons? Ballbusters? Loose women? Uppity women? A working mother? A single parent? A woman at the head of a boardroom table?
The problem is that nontraditional, non conventional, out-of-the-norm behavior by women has usually been written off as “aggressive.” The stigma has made it difficult for women to break out of stereotypical roles. I am told that the stereotypes are breaking down, I work for an Austin Animal Removal Company, but that does not stop me from having a good time!
Down on the ground though, these radical notions have been slower to evolve. The dating-mating dance, because it is largely conducted in private and without a chorus of social arbiters commenting at every turn, proceeds as though the maiden’s chaperone might pop around the corner and catch her in the sin of holding hands.
For many men, being asked for a date by a woman comes at a surprise. The first time it happens, she is probably categorized as an “aggressive woman.” After the second and third times the aggressive woman is well on her way to becoming the contemporary woman.
This process of change can take place only if women assume the initiative. If you don’t ask, you have to wait to be asked. The choice is passivity or action. As always, there is the risk of rejection and failure that goes with any decision to take action.
There is nothing particularly aggressive about calling someone and saying, “I’ve got a couple of tickets to the show. Are you interested?” There are men who may misinterpret the gesture or feel they are losing control. Yet, I’d bet that if there is a spark of interest and attraction between the two of you, he won’t slam the phone down and blush himself to sleep. He may have other plans. If he does, try again. And in the meantime, as the definition of “aggressive woman” is being rewritten, he may call you with the news that he’s come up with a couple of tickets to another show.
By and large, having the fear of rejection eased is such a plus for a man that the early awkward, tentative stages of a relationship – and we’ve all suffered through them – won’t be quite so agonizing and accident prone.
By Don Bernard Want to crawl deeper into the rabbit hole that is the man’s mind? Do you want to completely understand men and how you can use that secret information to better your odds in the dating world? Find your soul mate? Prevent yourself from being just a one-night-stand?
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