The other day I was speaking to someone who talked about what a friend of theirs had done in the past and it was clear that they hadn’t been able to move on from what had occurred. Quite a few years had passed since that moment, but it was as if it had happened the day before.
Hearing about this reminded me of the challenges I’ve had with my mother, and how hard it has been for me to slowly proceed from what took place during my early years. It was immaterial as to how many years had passed since that time, as I was not able to easy let go and to live in the present moment.
During the start of my recovery journey, my mind was often consumed by what my mom had or had not done. This then stopped me from having the ability to detach from what was taking place within me.
I was frequently filled with anger, rage, and even despise; part of me wanted revenge. And, due to how strong this part of me was, it would take over my entire being and prevent me from having the ability to be a conscious human being.
However, though I had all this going on within me, I seldom voiced what was taking place. I was carrying plenty of injury, which meant that I rarely felt safe enough to express my feelings.
Along with this, I was often told as a child not to get mad and that it was incorrect. If I did express my rage, I might have been told off or hit, and this was the last thing that I desired to encounter.
Hooked But when I did get in touch with how I felt, I would feel strong and alive, which makes it hard for me to see how destructive this was.
It gradually became evident that this was doing me more harm than good, and this was primarily because it had been perpetuating what I had been through as a kid. The only way that I would have the ability to grow and to reside at the moment was to let go.
A Tough Process
I would often be told that I”just needed to let go” and that writing a letter and then burning it might help, amongst other things. It was then as though this was a very simple process, if I had been willing to go through with it.
As time passed it became increasingly obvious that this wasn’t a mental process or something that would only happen; it was something which would taken place through facing how I felt and processing my pain.
In The Core
I came to see that the pain in my body was keeping the past alive and preventing me from having the ability to live at the moment. This pain had also caused me to close my heart and this made it difficult for me to experience compassion.
I ended up using a number of different therapists and healers, and that I had a good deal of yelling to do. The crying allowed me to let go of a lot of the pain that I experienced as a kid.
It can be easy to get caught up in what happened in the past and for our mind to hold on no matter how destructive it is. Yet, through being aware of the damage that’s being done, it is going to be clear how important it is to let go.
Ultimately, holding on only prolongs our own distress; it does not affect the person who was involved. So, if you’re holding onto what happened in the past and you wish to move on, reach out for the right support.